“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. “I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven. “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Matthew 18:15-35 NLT
Jesus gave clear instructions for how to deal with conflict. First, we go directly to the person. Don't run away, avoid, be passive aggressive, manipulate, escalate, over-react, or accuse. Deal with the problem in love. If that doesn't work, then bring another person—your goal isn’t to be right but help the person in their sin (the conflict should be about character not personal preferences). If a Christian brother or sister refuses to listen, then out of love bring it to leaders in the church who care enough to confront, leaving the 99 to reach the one. If the person still doesn't listen, treat them as you would a tax collector or sinner—which is with love and reaching out to a lost sheep (see 18:12-14), and always ready to forgive.
How many times should we forgive? Peter asked this question, seeking a limit. In their day, the rabbis taught that forgiveness was limited to three or maybe even five times. Jesus shocked His disciples (and us) with His answer: forgiveness is unlimited. His command was clear—it is a mindset—forgive others as much as you would like to be forgiven by God. Are you aware of how many times the Father has forgiven you? WE are the ones with the million-dollar debt. May we forgive as we have been forgiven. And may we be transformed by His forgiveness.
There is an edge to this story... Jesus said those who don't forgive won't be forgiven. We don’t earn salvation but receive it, but if we don’t give forgiveness it shows we never received it from God. The world needs forgiveness from God and for each other; our Father begins by forgiving each heart that is willing to accept it.
Why is it hard for us to deal with sin and conflict as Jesus told us? What does it mean to deeply accept God’s forgiveness? Is there anyone in your life or past that needs your forgiveness?
