The Pain of Changed Plans

 When I was in seminary, I had a great plan for my life…at least for the next few years. I was newly married and still in school; my plan was to finish my studies and move back to California. God had other plans, and we moved to Minnesota. It was clear that this was the direction God wanted, but I will admit that I wasn’t happy about it. I actually pulled out a map at one point and told the Lord, “California is this way!” But God’s plan was better than mine; I grew exponentially in Minnesota as a person and a pastor. And we eventually made it to California. Not every story of changed plans ends this well. Through the last two years of the pandemic, and through a lifetime of hearing people’s stories, I know that there can be deep pain when our plans change. Plans are usually more than just plans; they are dreams. Some people lost family or friends, others left jobs or churches, and everyone had their lives disrupted. It is hard to lose the dream of consistency, normalcy, or more time with loved ones. How can we deal with the pain of changed plans?  

Paul’s Change of Plans

The apostle Paul was no stranger to changed plans. He planned on going into the area of Ephesus in Acts 16, but the Spirit of Jesus called him to the regions of Greece (named Macedonia and Achaia). Paul followed God’s guidance and planted four churches (Philippi, Thessalonica, Berea, Corinth). He was also attacked verbally and beaten physically. Paul learned that God’s guidance does not mean everything will be easy; the followers of Christ follow Him in rejection. Eventually Paul would make it to Ephesus, staying there for three years of fruitful ministry (Acts 19). God fulfilled Paul’s plans, but He deepened Paul so that his ministry in Ephesus would be even more effective. Sometimes we quickly understand why our plans are changed; more often we do not understand until we have walked a bit further with Jesus. There are times, though, when we will not understand the plans of God. Paul dreamed of going to Rome to preach (Romans 15:23-24). He would make it there, but as a prisoner. Jesus had told him that he would testify in Rome (Acts 23:11), but this would include spending two years unjustly imprisoned in Caesarea (near Jerusalem), and two weeks in a terrible storm that destroyed the ship on the way to Rome. We are not told why Paul had to go through these hardships; perhaps they are just part of life, as broken as it is. Jesus can calm every storm, but more often He calms our hearts in the storms. There are times we won’t understand why our plans changed and why we are hurting, but we can trust that God is good. The One who suffered for us is with us in our suffering.  

Processing the Pain

I recently had some plans get changed. It took me a couple of days to realize how hard it was for me to have lost the dreams that came with these plans. I trust our Father with all I am, but I realized I needed to take some time to grieve. I do this by taking time alone with God, walking in creation, and prayerfully journaling. John Weborg said, “The Bible grants permission to grieve without the slightest hint of guilt” (Made Healthy in Ministry for Ministry, p.94). Getting out my grief with God allows me to be honest with what is happening in my soul and prevents me from taking out my pain on others. Processing my grief also helps me in the future to walk with those who are grieving. Part of processing pain includes talking with others. For me, this is best done after I have taken time to pray, reflect, and untangle some of my thoughts. When we are grieving, we need both time alone and time in supportive community. As I talked with these “supply line” people in my life, I was able to see how the Lord is working, even though my plans have changed. I still do not completely understand, but I trust. I want His plan more than mine; His plans are better. We have all gone through a lot in these last two years. We have all had our plans (and dreams) changed. Pain that is not processed well comes out as anger, anxiety, and shaming others. These are like warning lights in our cars: they are indicators that something in our hearts needs attention. When this happens, take your grief to the Lord and some supportive friends. Genuine fellowship includes caring for each other and helping each other become more like Jesus and live His mission together. We are not made to make it alone.